Basic Bitch’s Guide to Stagecoach


5cd375be1ba7ead94cf9dd4395da745cCoachella is over.

While Urban Outfitters and Nasty Gal are rolling in fat piles of money from selling thong shorts and crop tops, Budweiser is about to make bank.  Knowing that I won’t cross path’s with Kendall Jenner’s nose ring or witness Leonardo DiCaprio having a mild seizure, I can safely head down to Indio, California to experience the greatest American tradition ever. Stagecoach.

You might know it by it’s more common name Ragecoach or “that country music thing” to people who hate fun.  At Coachella, the audience is higher than Lindsay Lohan walking out of a pharmacy.  At Stagecoach, the audience is “4th of July” drunk.  At Coachella, butt cheeks, ill fitting overalls and tropical prints make way to many appearances.  At Stagecoach, it’s all about American Flag t-shirts, cowboy boots and ridiculously buff guys.  Sure half the audience is sorastitats, sorority prostitutes, and their beaus, but the other half is ass kicking, Harley Davidson riding, here for a good time folk who look like they just exterminated half the Taliban and honestly, they probably did.  At Stagecoach, you don’t run into half naked girls who claim Sleigh Bells, Disclosure and Haim “are literally the best”.  You run into patriots singing the national anthem or Rain is a Good Thing.  If you don’t know that reference, just stop reading now.  Even if you’ve never heard a country song before, the lyrics are pretty easy to grasp, just yell “America”, “Beer” or “Party” and you’ve pretty much memorized the song.

So if you’re debating going to next years Ragecoach or not really sure what you’re getting yourself into, let me instill you all my wisdom and knowledge in Schlibby’s Basic Bitches Guide to Stagecoach.

1. Horses are super country.  I  didn’t know that until my first Stagecoach, but apparently everyone loves horses so much, you literally find stuffed horses everywhere.  Like this lady, who brought a life-sized horse.

398264_3829738470276_1833808302_nOr me and this little guy.

534803_3829740190319_841913251_nOr this guy who carried his horse’s purse.  PS Stagecoach is also filled with gentlemen.

525771_3829740590329_2043447785_nOr this knight in shining Mardi Gras beads.

528865_3829739430300_589570937_nOr these horses with front row seats.

524109_3829759510802_1948648725_nOr this horse who knows how to photobomb.

523219_3829741110342_727486169_n  Ok we get it, people love horses more than Catherine the Great.  What else can a basic bitch expect at Stagecoach?

2. Catch phrases and quotes.  Seems like something a hipster would do, doesn’t it?  How could you not want to party at a place with a “good times and high fives” flag.

539989_3829744390424_1534364216_nBut on a serious note, don’t mess with people.

578683_3829767310997_154475214_n3. Really cool tattoos.  This is a tattoo that says “don’t fuck with me” and also shows that this man loves beautiful craftsmanship.

427839_3829779271296_879065196_n4. Style so good you could call it New York Fashion Week.  Coachella isn’t the only music festival that has it’s own fashion scene. This guy spent all winter working on his Brazilian bikini bod.

401657_3829748150518_2011946946_nOr this guy who decided to celebrate two cultures by accenting his American flag trunks with a traditional Cinco De Mayo sombrero.

IMG_2348These shorts are just adorable, every basic bitch at Stagecoach has a pair.

IMG_3268Koozies and croakies are essentials.

854ef048f40111e2aca322000a1fa76a_7Did I mention that cowboy hats look good on pretty much anyone.

c/o LA Times

c/o LA Times

Oh duh! And cowboy boots!

Screen Shot 2014-04-23 at 3.39.33 PM5. Drink til you drop.  Drinking games don’t stop when you graduate college.  If Stagecoach was a farm, which it already is, drinking games would be the staple crop. These fine folks are participating in what turned into a mile long game of flip cup.

527535_3829774911187_332605568_nThe police were so impressed, they didn’t even both to break it up.  They just instagrammed it with #ragecoachneverdies

72926_3829775951213_439634082_nI also don’t hate couples at Stagecoach.  That’s how happy the environment is!

Screen Shot 2014-04-22 at 6.48.56 PMRain makes corn, corn makes whiskey.  We drink the whiskey.

IMG_2878So if you like to drink, sing, dance, enjoy music or love America, Stagecoach is the perfect place!

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