Last year, I posted a list of goals for 2014. They seemed, simple, easy, attainable, like being a model. Like most things, reality isn’t always what it seems. Here’s me taking a look back at what I envisioned 2014 to be vs. how it played out.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Work out 3 times a week… but actually. Ok at least 1 time a week.
Reality: I am willing to admit I gained maybe 10 pounds this year and averaged 1 work out class a month. Close enough.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Perform stand-up, I hear you get free drinks.
Reality: I went on this really aggressive rant about boys to my Uber driver. I also started an Instagram account called “basic betch problem”.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Film sketch comedies I’ve written and post them on Schlibby.com for your viewing pleasure.
Reality: In many ways, I fulfilled this goal. Not necessarily by writing and producing my own sketches, but working on a some kick-ass Funny or Die videos. Remember Tiny Detectives and that time someone called me Molly Simms?
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Learn to sew on a sewing machine. And knit. Apparently I’m turning 65 this year.
Reality: I hemmed a pair of pants and by “hemmed a pair of pants” I mean sewed a button on a shirt.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Visit a state I’ve never been to. Lobsters in Maine? Mardi Gras in Louisiana? Definitely going to push a Hawaii vacation this year.
Reality: I adapted very well to the Hawaiian lifestyle.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Take a cooking class or two so I can learn how to make dishes that I can prepare without the help of a hologram of Martha Stewart.
Reality: I learned how to make French Macarons and proceeded to eat 100 in 3 days. Hence why the work out 1 a week thing didn’t go so well.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Start a Bling Ring. The purpose of the club isn’t to rob, it’s just to reenact the crew walking down the street with Starbucks.
Reality: I did a lot of online shopping.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Write more blog posts for Schlibby.com. And I mean write funny stories like Beverly Hills Porsche or Microsoft Exhell.
Reality: My most popular posts were “Basic Bitch’s Guide To” so I guess my audience is comprised of shallow, country fans.
2014 New Year’s Resolution: Learn survival skills. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Walking Dead is that I would be the first to get bitten in a Zombie apocalypse.dishes that I can prepare without the help of a hologram of Martha Stewart.
Reality: RIP Beth (Walking Dead reference).
2014 New Year’s Resolution: When all the others fail, I’ll make up a tenth resolution.
Reality: 2014 was pretty chill.
New Year’s Resolution for 2015 is to stop making promises can’t keep.